What?

… sigh… there is nothing like a pain in the ass… or maybe there is i don’t know like a pain in the neck … and the interesting thing is that as quickly as the pain comes it will go away … so i have some frozen vegetables up against my Coccyx just now after a long time away from here … i suppose some photos and excerpts should come along but i’m so darn busy i don’t know where to start … like thousands of fleeting moments all combined into a few thoughtful expressions should and will come eventually … (note to self; start with the photos) … insert here … oh my … mother nature really does have her way … it’s christmas time and now the need to travel by road to see family and friends is in first gear …

…and during the return we were vying for synchronized sickness’s; absolutely the most unusual circumstances at the same time, while moving, while working, while driving, while puking, while living … today i roast a fire and listen to the radio singing pink floyd, my bat is nearby just in case the perpetuator comes back and all i want to say is i love you … all you fuckers even so … for my loved one’s i wish a happy new year, and a grand hello … photo’s will follow once i get my order in order … peace and love … M

excerpt from journal … sigh … The World … sigh … this lovely earth; all the places; the green belt in the middle; the arguments, alone with an obsession such is life, this peculiar walk, and yes a kind of journey unpronounced and yet defined  by a simple key that opens a door; so foreign and yet so comfortable in a sickly romantic way, kinda like licking a popsicle on a hot summer’s day in the middle of winter; when the chicks are confused by time, as the wind shifts into a collage of muses designed to enlighten thee …. February 15th, 2015


excerpt from journal … i caught another guy fucking around, picking in the middle of the night and it sent me into a fury i can’t let go right now; even though i bid him farewell and warned if he came back again i said i would rip his throat out, but to come down from thinking the early morning is not easy; so full of adrenalin i thought i was gonna kill him; the negative energy is not what i want, but it’s hard not to want to kill someone intruding in your space…. sigh … then to fight back, in a passive energy it’s so hard …
excerpt from journal … the wind … the wind chimes above the smudge rocks from the valley of the friendly rocks in southern Saskatchewan, well the chime heard an energy among many, and mimicked the sound like the Cockatoo did, caring for every note …
…ahhh, the wall … everybody hits it … how can you not, it’s right there before your very eyes … it’s the time you realized you have been treading water for thousands of k’s, kinda dumbfounded and stupid … but rocking on … and now that my face is flat against the wall i can see through it finally … it takes time but it’s there … the smell of the earth, the neighbours, the crows, the wind and the sun … it’s all there when you take the time to listen … it’s so crazy that one can forget such things … and so even though i have some photos to share that are wondrous and true, i still find myself baffled by the road; how one can forget it so easily… to not understand where the milk comes from … also i just want to say, i love krista, more than words can say …

… getting back to the point, it’s such a revelation when you actually stop thinking and actually realize your thoughts, not the one’s for work and all, not the artistic one’s but those ideas that are floating in the background and can only be found by taking the time to listen to nothing… i hear it now, after i’ve hit the wall … over and over again … mwks … love …

…ken, carol and krista booming … :) … they are again traveling around the world by motorcycle … i love them so … they see the wall …

…the family clan trying to find the playoffs on the net … they also see the wall … oh dear, goosebumps all over, i must continue with the to do list …

…disorder before the order …

…stephen verdon’s magic golden eggs, for water purification, worked for me and always drank tap water in all countries traveled …

…and beautifully the wicked road … krista on her classic bike of the century, honda custom 750 … sweet ride, on and off road … she rocks with that bike … i’ve got it so easy, and yet she rides on …

…uh oh … no fireworks allowed! … ooops …

… so yeah … that’s the wall, and now i’m either gonna go through those boxes of memories or i’m gonna forget about it until then, when one takes the time to listen to more … :)

more excerpts from journal …oh yeah i forgot about the boxes and just put them away out of sight … well not really … but i did … anyway i remember reading about something, or watching a movie or thinking about something i don’t recall; but it was something i think … maybe it was nothing i don’t know … actually this reminds me of the oral speech i had to make in college, my greatest fear was and is to speak on command in front of others … i was terrified but thankfully my last name started with a ‘W,’ and i had lot’s of time until then, and to worry more i suppose which is not really an advantage … oh dear it was terrifying, for i didn’t have anything prepared because i think i was pretending it wouldn’t happen but it did … he called the ‘W’, and there i was with only a dictionary in my hand, my pocket Oxford open in front of me, at the podium and scared shitless … so my trembling voice introduced the definitions of ‘something’, and ‘nothing’ … it went something like this, just imagine though my terrified  breath along with a trembling hand which while i recall was nothing … but it was something, and a terrifying nothing that was everything at the time …  well basically i described the definitions of those two words and ended with the third, ‘everything’.  Everyone was laughing including me with a frightened kind of feeling you have when you witness someone dying, well you just can’t believe or deal with it so a kind of laughter comes inside of you in a way and well that’s how it was when it was my time to be an orator … i received a good mark from Mr. M who i wonder is today, a good writer from what i know about writers, kinda like ‘nothing’ and ‘something’ or ‘everything’…

…anyway i forget my point at this point, except that one could give someone something and they might think it is nothing, and someone could give someone nothing and they might think it is something, and then there comes everything for nothing or something … i feel in these days that i have experienced all of the three and i am happy and yet somewhat dismayed and even ‘full strum’, as is a guitar not played well at the moment, and yet i also know that sometimes someone or everyone or anyone will hear a good tune if they are listening fully and completely … this conversation with myself reminds me of a book i read about how the conspiracy of jesus and how he used to communicate underground by using different words to express himself … it’s true, maybe …

…like the sun’s light striking you suddenly when you least expect it, and just for you it seems at that moment, as the sun is setting at just the right angle when in that moment you consider everything you could imagine or discover or lament … and then thankfully the rain comes, and you don’t see the light of day for weeks maybe … and you are also grateful for the rain upon your head even though you hide under a tree for you know how to live … wishing for that strike of light again …

…it’s that indecision that makes you wonder if it is better to have the sun or the rain … and this something or nothing is useless and everything right?  … yes this is the point finally … how do you say something without saying anything … kinda like a secret society of murmurers hidden inside an office of papers and comfy leather chairs with waiters and all do you wonder what to say and when to say what it is you want to say … haha … that’s when you shouldn’t say a word but why not you ask? … cause it’s like nothing really, and something to some or nothing to everyone … yes it’s true …

…but what’s true, what is the truth … is it like this or that or that and this … what is it, the truth … my feeling is is that it is not a lie, which wouldn’t be true … so if it’s not the truth than it is a lie, but if it’s a lie it can’t be the truth … right?   sigh   … i recall riding my bike around the world some day i can barely remember anymore … that’s not true … and i recall thinking how good the people of this earth really were, how they the people wanted to take care of you in a way, without following your path directly but they did, secretly and enviously and without a purpose of their own, they just wanted to … for they cared about taking care of people, the same people as they … and it makes me wonder how anyone could be so cruel, to be incriminating and to be deceitful in a humanistic way … and for what, why and how could anyone do this to another soul without cause or reason … when i listen to the CBC news every hour on the hour all i hear are all kinds of deceptive going’s on with people were are to respect, the rulers of our land, the leaders of this organization, and all i hear is corruption and murder and a philandros economic dysfunctional misanthropic beating of chests not worthy of the kind of love i have received and given around this planet we call earth …

…when i listen to earnest talk shows on the radio that are not mainstream , i still find that they use their addictions for their emotional deficiencies  and i find that all the difficulties that people have is a matter of taking control in an animalistic way, to see your life as an animal; for those fools who believe that comparing yourself to others and their boxes that they live in is just a disguise for their own misgivings about themselves; don’t judge yourself or anyone else and don’t expect this molecular structure of yours to be comparative to someone else’s stuff; it’s a waste of time; to be nothing and to think that you know nothing is everything … we are not as humans meant to be the same in anyway; the only thing i know is that one has to survive like an animal does in the woods; it’s just that simple; take the emotion away and hunt for yourself and the one’s you love … but to pretend that an organization or religion or government and even a community will save you is false; you are the only one; not selfishly and with respect you should live without the fears and over-thinking of oneself; just read a book that Socrates has written or Aurelius or any of the philosophers; they will tell you over and over again how stupid it is to pretend you are something that you are not ….

I give us this quote knowing that I have read all of his words and so much so I probably couldn’t remember a word except his thoughts … I read somewhere he was often found walking in the streets and would suddenly stop and stare at the ground for hours in front of all the villagers without moving … Socrates … “The only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing”.

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